


Anything You Can Do

by way1203



Category: Big Hero 6 (2014)
Genre: Brotherly Love, Tadashi Lives
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-14
Updated: 2017-02-07
Packaged: 2018-04-14 15:36:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,773
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4569948
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/way1203/pseuds/way1203
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>SFIT is harder than Hiro thought. He's stressed, exhausted, and struggling to keep up. But he has to push himself because if Tadashi can do it, so can he.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Sleepless Nights

**Author's Note:**

> Tadashi is alive! He was saved by Baymax that night.  
> All of the classes mentioned are the classes listed on Hiro's schedule in Hiro's Journal. I highly recommend every BH6 fan find this book, it's a keeper.

"Light incidents in this range are guided modes, unlike light incidents outside this range. These are unguided modes which are discussed in the following section."  
  
Hiro rubbed his eyes and picked up the gummy bear at the end of the paragraph. Popping it into his mouth, he chewed and continued reading the last section of the chapter on cylindrical waveguides.  
  
"Just one more and I'm done with the reading for Laser Photonics." Hiro muttered. "Then only five hundred more things to do before Friday."  
  
All Hiro's life, school had been a breeze. He loved a good challenge, he loved actually having to think, and that, along with robotics, is why he wanted to go to SFIT so desperately. Hiro knew SFIT would be different, but this place was something else entirely. As much as he hated to admit it, SFIT was hard. Really, really hard. He'd taken on six classes for his first semester and, so far, it was proving to be much more than a challenge. So far, it was kicking his butt.  
  
He turned the page and reached for his bag of gummy bears. After placing one bear at the end of each section, he continued reading. This was an old trick Tadashi had used with Skittles.   
  
_"It's a little reward to keep me motivated to finish the reading for tonight,"_ he'd said. _"Four chapters of a textbook in one sitting can be a bit much. But with a little incentive, it goes faster. You could even try it with gummy bears."_  
  
And Hiro did, and it actually worked. He wished Tadashi was here tonight. He thought about texting him at the lab, but thought better of it. Tadashi was in the middle of fixing Baymax, who'd suffered serious burns after saving him that night. Plus, if Hiro did text Tadashi, his brother would ask him why he didn't go to bed hours ago. He'd lecture Hiro about his habit of hyper-focusing and not sleeping for days, then sleeping for two days straight. To be honest, Hiro didn't want to hear that right now. He'd just leave his brother to his late night project.

Hiro's habit had gotten worse since he'd enrolled at SFIT. His weekends were spent sleeping, so that he could spend more time during the week working on his assignments and projects. Every so often, Tadashi, Fred or Wasabi would catch Hiro napping in his lab space during his thirty minute break between classes. Months ago, it was okay with Hiro when he'd sleep for days after staying up for days. It was his choice to avoid sleep, and he wasn't stressed to finish whatever he was creating. Now it wasn't okay, because his awkward sleeping pattern was out of necessity to ensure he'd pass with an A or B. Hiro sighed.   
  
"Hiro? Are you going to bed soon?"  
  
The younger Hamada looked up from his desk. Aunt Cass stood in the doorway, her robe pulled around her, her hair was a mess. She let out a yawn. Had he woken her up? How late was it? Hiro glanced at the clock on his computer. 2:47AM. He rubbed his eyes again.   
  
"Hiro?"  
  
Hiro turned off his lamp, "I'm going right now, Aunt Cass. I'm sorry if I kept you up."  
  
"Oh, no, I went to bed a while ago. I just got up to get some water and saw your light on." She watched him climb into bed. "Honey, I'm worried about you. Tadashi is too."  
  
"I'm okay, just have a lot to do, that's all," yawned Hiro. "Don't worry, okay?"  
  
"Tadashi said the same thing when he first started SFIT. Both you knuckleheads never know when to slow down for your body's sake."  
  
Hiro shut his eyes and hummed at his aunt's statement. His bed was so comfortable. Maybe he would sleep now and get up before class and finish the reading. Tadashi would wake him before he overslept. Jeez, he was tired. That's what he got for putting his World History I paper off until tonight in order to finish his Calculus for Engineers homework early yesterday, so he could do the reading for both Laser Photonics and Humanoid Construction tonight before each lab tomorrow, and have more time to work on his project for Aerial Robotics. Maybe he could nap tomorrow between classes.  
  
"Just promise me you'll get some rest, Hiro?"   
  
"I promise," Hiro agreed, crossing his fingers under his blankets.   
  
"Okay, I just don't want you to end up like Tadashi did during his freshman year."  
  
Hiro opened his eyes. He didn't want that either. A hospital visit would completely throw off his semester. "I won't."  
  
Aunt Cass must have been satisfied with his response, because she headed downstairs. Hiro watched the stair lights switch off and rolled onto his back. It was becoming an awkward tango of procrastination and catch up in an attempt to get ahead of his work. He'd get something done only to find that he had another assignment or project or a test to study for. There weren't enough hours in a day. Hiro started to feel like he'd underestimated how hard things were going to be at SFIT. That he'd gotten cocky with his abilities. He felt like every time he'd come up for air, someone would push his head back under.

He thought about dropping a class. The last drop date was coming up, so he had to make a decision soon. If he dropped one of his robotics classes, it'd definitely give him some breathing room. He could at least tread water then. But he couldn't drop a class. He just couldn't. He'd learn to swim, he had to. After all, this was just the freshman experience. Everyone said freshman courses were the worst at SFIT.   
  
_"Just know that the first year is the hardest,"_ Honey Lemon assured him. _"Then it gets fun. I remember crying every week over homework."_  
  
 _"Woman up and don't be afraid to ask for help,"_ said GoGo. _"If you fail because you're too scared to ask one of us, I'm going to be pissed."_  
  
 _"I'll help you when I can,"_ Tadashi offered _. "I have some notes from that year, but freshman year is a beating. You can do it though. I believe in you."_  
  
Hiro couldn't drop a class. He was supposed to take six classes. He was the genius scholarship kid who wowed everybody. Everyone expected so much of him. He couldn't drop a class and disappoint them, especially his brother. Besides, Tadashi took six classes his first year. If he could do it, Hiro certainly could too. Couldn't he?   
  
Hiro got out of bed and plopped down in his desk chair.   
  
"Okay, just a few more pages."  
  
Flipping his lamp back on, he continued to read. What was another night without sleep? If Tadashi did it, so could he.   
  



	2. Grades

Hiro stared at his returned test.

_C -_

He'd gotten a C-. He'd never gotten a C before, or any other variation of the letter. Hiro was always an A student through the years. Occasionally, he'd get a B because he didn't care about the class, or as an experiment to see what would happen if he didn't try. He'd never gotten a bad grade as a result of working hard and giving it his all. If this is what happened when he studied constantly, then maybe he didn't belong here. Maybe he was better off bot fighting.

Hiro flipped through the test, reading over his answer choices and examining his work. He had studied for hours and he knew the concepts like the contents of his room. Well, at least he thought he did. Hiro ran a hand through his hair. He'd made such careless mistakes.  _Stupid, stupid, stupid._  His day didn't get much better when he went to his next class. The professor handed out their papers from the week before and Hiro got a D. The paragraphs of his essay were littered with red marks and comments. He got to the last page, and read a note that made his ears burn red.

_Hiro,_

_Remember that the drop date is next week. You might take this opportunity to lighten your load. Dropping will not affect your scholarship as you will still be well over full time status._

_My class is only going to get harder. If you receive a D on the next paper, you may not pass this course. If you do drop, you are welcome to take my class again when your course load is less demanding._

Thinking about dropping the course was one thing, but hearing his professor actually suggest it was another. She didn't want Hiro in her class anymore. He stuffed the paper into his binder behind his test. He was disappointing everyone. His stomach ached as he headed for the lab. What if he wasn't meant to go here?

"Hiro!"

Honey Lemon smiled at him as he walked past her lab space. He pretended not to hear her. Wasabi waved and tossed an object through his laser. Honey clapped, gesturing at Hiro to come over, but Hiro continued to ignore them. If he said anything, they'd know how much of a failure he was and they wouldn't want to talk to him. Hiro punched in the code to the lab space he shared with his brother. Hopefully Tadashi wouldn't ask him what was wrong.

"Hey, knucklehead," Tadashi raised a cup of coffee to his lips. His hat was turned backwards and there was ink on his slightly wrinkled Ninjas shirt. He took a sip, swallowed, then asked, "Did you get any sleep last night?"

"Did you?" snapped Hiro. Who was Tadashi to lecture him about his sleeping habits when he was the one who didn't come home last night?

"Eh, I got a few winks. Thank goodness for coffee right?"

Hiro grunted. He could hear himself being mean but couldn't stop. If he didn't snap, he'd start crying, and he really didn't want to cry in front of Tadashi because then he'd have to explain his grades.

"Oh, listen, you'll be happy to hear this. Last night, I replaced Baymax's batteries with supercapacitors. You were right. He charges so much faster now. I can't believe I used lithium ion."

"Awesome," Hiro smiled half-heartedly. "Really, that's great."

Tadashi studied him for a moment, then set his drink aside with a wince. "What's wrong? You're obviously bothered about something."

"I'm not. Nothing's wrong. I'm fine."

"What'd you get on that test?"

"A grade." Hiro sat in his computer chair and pivoted from side to side. At least he didn't ask about his paper.

"That good, huh? Well, it's okay if you didn't get the grade you wanted. Just get some rest, and try again with the next one. It'll be okay. We've all gotten bad grades."

"Great. Glad I'm fitting in."

Tadashi gripped the arms of Hiro's chair. "You can stop the attitude now. If you're pissed about your test, take that energy and put it into your studying. It's unfair to take it out on me or anyone else."

Hiro stared up at his brother. He could see the beginnings of the burn scar at the base of his brother's neck. He knew that beneath Tadashi's shirt, the scar extended down his right shoulder and completely covered his right peck. He had a second burn on his neck just behind his left ear, but that one wasn't nearly as bad as the one on his chest and stopped at the base of his neck. Hiro suddenly felt bad. He almost lost Tadashi, and now he was taking out his frustrations on the one person who definitely didn't deserve it. "Sorry, 'Dashi."

Tadashi's face softened. He straightened, ruffled Hiro's hair, and said, "It's okay. I just don't want you shutting me out like that when this test grade is seriously bothering you. How bad was it? Did you get an F?"

Hiro shook his head.

"D?"

"No."

Tadashi's eyebrows went up, "C?"

"Minus," added Hiro.

"Oh, that's not too bad. That's not even failing. You only have to make a C or higher to pass a lot of the Robotics classes and sometimes that's all you can do. It'll be okay."

"Hey!" Fred pressed his face against the windows, causing the brothers to jump. "Overheard your convo Hamada hermanos. If you're worried about that C- little dude, just know that C's get degrees."

Hiro wanted to laugh, but couldn't even bring himself to smile.

Fred gave him a thumbs up and headed down the hall. Hiro folded his arms. It was so easy for both of them to write off his bad grades. He could only imagine what would've happened if he'd mentioned the D on his paper. Hiro had no clue what Fred's grades were like in high school, but he knew Tadashi's for the most part. Tadashi never got a C-, let alone a D. If he did, Hiro didn't know about it. Tadashi was always perfect. Even today, his brother barely looked like he'd been up all night. He never looked stressed or tired. He was always relaxed about things unless it was about Hiro's safety. It was like his brother didn't even have to try. Tadashi and their friends made nerd school look so easy, and yet Hiro was struggling to stay afloat and showing his stress in multiple ways. It just wasn't fair.

Tadashi chuckled, "I don't know if I agree with Fred, but you can definitely recover a C- quicker than you can an F. If you're really bothered by it, I'll gladly help you study."

Hiro watched his brother head back to his side of the lab. He wanted to scream that it wasn't funny, that he didn't care how a C was still passing, that he'd failed in his own eyes. He wanted to explain how much of a blow it was to see that letter mocking him. Instead, he hopped out of his chair and headed for the door.

"Where are you going?"

"Home."

"Hold on. I'll go with you."

His back still to his brother, Hiro huffed and set his binder down on the nearby table with more force than he'd intended.

"Look, I get that you're upset." Tadashi began. He was growing more agitated with his brother. "I get it, but you need to communicate with your words. Preferably in full sentences."

Hiro turned sharply on his heel, "Well, maybe I don't want to communicate with my words!"

" _That's enough._ "

Tadashi didn't have to yell to make Hiro's heart pound. Hiro bowed his head and looked away from his brother. He successfully pissed him off. A sleep deprived Tadashi was not one to mess with, and Hiro chose to snap at him from the moment he walked in.

"I know you well enough to know that this sudden attitude wasn't caused by just a C-." Tadashi walked towards him. "I won't know how to make it better if you don't talk to me and let me in. Hiro, I'm going to give you one chance to tell me without a tone...w _hat the hell happened_ today?"

Hiro looked up at his brother and suddenly felt very small. He didn't like the idea of Tadashi hearing how dumb his mistakes were, but he didn't have a choice at this point. He'd blown the option of not telling him when he decided to act like a child about it. How would he look at Tadashi and tell him that his professor wanted Hiro to drop her class? How would he tell him he'd failed? Hiro dug out his paper from his binder and held it out to Tadashi, who took it and glanced over the red markings. Hiro watched his brother's eyes widen and felt a knot grow in his throat.

"You got a D?"

"I'm sorry, okay?" Hiro furiously wiped at a tear that threatened to fall. First, he snapped and practically threw a tantrum like a kid, and now he was crying like one. "I'm such a failure. I'm sorry, 'Dashi."

Tadashi wrapped his arms around Hiro's shoulders. "Hiro, you're not a failure. It'll be okay. I promise. You can fix this."

"No, I can't."

"Yes, you can. I'm going to help you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I based this chapter off my own experiences and anxieties when I was working on my bachelor's and got my first less than satisfactory grade. Now that I'm on my masters, I'm doing much better and I've learned that getting a bad grade is okay, but 18-year-old me had a breakdown over my first C, D, and F in a course I worked and studied my butt off for.


	3. Upset

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own anyone. Hiro's schedule is based from "Hiro's Journal"
> 
> Thanks for all your likes, and kudos. I apologize for the wait, I've been dealing with my mental health. I'm getting better though, and I was able to finally update this fic.

Hiro scrubbed at his skin with a wash cloth. He sighed at the feeling of the hot water against his shoulders. Thoughts swept through his head, but one in particular wouldn't go away. This was his own fault. He should have gone straight to SFIT after he graduated. He was an idiot for thinking that college would just be more stuff he already knew. He had no right to get upset about failing when he wasted an entire year bot fighting. Now Tadashi knew he was doing poorly and would worry about him.

He felt horrible for yelling at his brother. When they got home, Hiro headed up the stairs, half running, half stumbling as he took them two at a time. Aunt Cass noticed his behavior and asked Tadashi what was wrong. He hadn't heard the response, but he hoped Tadashi kept quiet. If he didn't, he'd be breaking Hamada Brothers Rule #165: Don't tell Aunt Cass unless it's absolutely necessary and/or one of us is in danger and/or needs medical attention. Hiro wasn't in danger, nor did he need medical attention, so hopefully Tadashi would keep his grades between the two of them.

Hiro shut the water off and stepped out of the shower. Even though it was only five, he threw on his pajama pants and an old shirt with the periodic table of elements stretched across the front. It used to belong to Tadashi and was a little big on Hiro, but it was one of his favorites to sleep in.

"I think I'm in trouble for working all night," Tadashi rambled. "Aunt Cass said we'd have to talk later over dinner about my staying in the lab overnight. Don't laugh when she pulls my ear, okay?"

"...mm-hmm...absolutely..."

"Ugh, I need to eat something other than vending machine food."

Hiro walked towards his bed. He had work to do, but he had the overwhelming urge to just go to bed. The sooner he got to bed, the sooner he'd fall asleep, and the more successful he'd be at avoiding Tadashi and Aunt Cass's questions.

"Headed to bed already?"

Hiro glanced across the room at his brother and nodded. Why wouldn't Tadashi just leave him alone? Hiro had told his older brother what was wrong and listened to his words of encouragement. So why couldn't Tadashi just back off for the rest of the day so Hiro could digest everything that happened?

"Aunt Cass says dinner will be ready in ten," said Tadashi. He placed his hat on his dresser, this ran his hands through his hair. "Speaking of which, what did you eat today?"

It bothered Hiro that Tadashi even asked, but he answered him anyway. "I had a scone and bacon this morning. Aunt Cass made me."

"Good. Lunch?"

"I only ate an apple. I wasn't very hungry."

"Hm, okay."

He could practically see Tadashi making a mental note of his eating habits. Tadashi knew too well of Hiro's other bad habit: not eating. If he was particularly stressed, Hiro would do the opposite of Aunt Cass and drop to one meal a day or completely stop eating. Tonight, he would have to eat more at dinner so his brother wouldn't get any more suspicious.

"You know I'm only asking because I care," said Tadashi. "You're stressed, and I don't want to have to relive that incident when you were three."

Hiro barely remembered it, but the two older Hamadas did—and vividly at that. During their first month with Aunt Cass, Hiro refused to eat anything. The doctor said it was due to the stress of loss and living in a new environment, and recommended they give the toddler PediaSure and just wait it out. In addition to making him vomit, the nutrition substitute caused Hiro to shy away from food even more. Aunt Cass grew desperate and panicked. Not knowing what else to do, she decided to make smoothies and other blended mixtures that Hiro would likely stomach better. The story went that Tadashi attempted to spoon feed Hiro a banana smoothie and, after five minutes of begging, Hiro finally ate. His aunt and his brother then spoon fed him the thicker smoothies, and placed the thinner smoothies into sippy cups. Hiro preferred the sippy cup. He would throw tantrums and make messes when they brought the spoon to his lips. But if they handled him a sippy cup, Hiro would curl up in either Tadashi's lap or Aunt Cass's and relish in the comfort of their fingers in his hair. The process was exhausting, but it kept Hiro nourished until his stress subsided and he started eating solids again. To this day, Hiro refusing to eat was a situation that the older Hamadas feared and hoped they wouldn't have to experience again.

"I'm not a baby anymore," muttered Hiro.

Tadashi shrugged. "Never said you were. Just thinking out loud. C'mon, Aunt Cass made your favorite."

Extra spicy chicken wings were not something Hiro was in the mood for, but he had to eat them. Aunt Cass spent time cooking them with him in mind and it would be rude to leave them untouched, especially since Tadashi wasn't overly fond of them. Besides, he would need to eat something in order to get Tadashi off his case about his eating habits.

Hiro headed for the stairs, "Let's go."

* * *

He knew eating the wings was a horrible idea. As Hiro heaved into the toilet, he wished he hadn't asked for another helping. The spices stung his throat as he experienced them a second time. He should have had a glass of milk with his dinner. Maybe it would have stopped the spices from irritating his stomach. There was that hindsight again. The retching stopped for a moment, allowing Hiro to rest his forehead against his arm. His mouth tasted sour.

"Everything alright in there?"

Hiro nodded. After realizing Tadashi couldn't see him, he called, "Yeah. I'm fine."

Puking up dinner wasn't in his agenda today. Then again neither was failing two assignments. His stomach already wasn't in the mood to eat yet he forced himself and now he was sick. Hiro dry heaved one last time before flushing the toilet. He needed to get to sleep so he could avoid Tadashi's questions. Hiro washed his hands and noticed how tired he looked. He thought about brushing his teeth, decided he didn't have the energy, and opted to rinse his mouth with water and mouthwash instead.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Tadashi asked the minute Hiro entered their bedroom. "Cause you didn't sound okay."

"I'm fine, 'Dashi. Just tired, okay? I'm going to bed—for real this time."

"O-okay. Goodnight."

Hiro didn't answer. He just slipped under the blankets and closed his eyes. Maybe things would be better tomorrow.

* * *

"Poor Hiro, why didn't he say anything?"

Hiro woke to the sound of Honey Lemon's voice. Though his back was turned to Tadashi's side of the room, Hiro could see the glow of his brother's computer screen and hear the faint noise the computer speakers made. He squinted at the small clock on his desk. 9:14 PM.

"He's not one to ask for help," said Tadashi with a sigh, "and he can be a little stubborn."

"Why didn't he just ask us for help?" GoGo sounded agitated and Hiro didn't blame her. "I had Froeb for Humanoid Construction."

"So did I," said Honey Lemon. "Froeb's the reason why I changed my focus to chemistry."

"It whooped my ass, but I still have the notes."

"I could have quizzed him. I don't know how helpful I would have been, but I could have at least tried."

"Boys and their pride."

"Um," Wasabi joined in. "What class was the 'D-' in again? You said World History?"

"Aerial Robotics," corrected Tadashi. "Although, I'm surprised it's not World History."

"Roe or Sato?"

"Roe."

"Oh, she's such a nice professor! She's the best, but her class can be really hard."

Hiro buried himself deeper under his blankets. His mind raced. Hiro didn't like the idea of his brother hearing how dumb his mistakes were, and he really didn't like the idea of his friends hearing about it either. Well, it wasn't so much that he was upset that Tadashi told his friends, it was that they felt sorry for him. He'd have to deal with them trying to help him and listen to their empathy. They would know how much of a failure Hiro was, and they'd be disappointed in him. Why had they wasted time helping him get into SFIT, if he was just going to blow it and fail his classes?

"How do we help him?" GoGo pressed.

"I say we create a study schedule," said Wasabi. "That way Hiro's time will be used wisely, and we can make it so it falls in line with our schedules so we can help him study."

Hiro shut his eyes tightly, willing himself not to cry. He listened to his friends shoot off ideas. He knew he needed the help. He knew it was okay to need help and ask for it. But it still bothered him that he needed his brother's friends to bail him out and help him with homework and studying because he was too stupid to figure it out himself. That big brain of his was feeling quite small. Although GoGo, Wasabi, and Honey Lemon sounded like actually wanted to help him, Hiro couldn't help but to think they only wanted to help him because he was Tadashi's little brother. If he wasn't Tadashi's brother, would they even want to be his friends? Hiro mentally shook the thought from his head. That thought was too painful to think about. Without them, he wouldn't have friends.

"I think all of those are good," said Tadashi. "Here's what I think we should do…"

Hiro brought his knees into his chest and fell asleep to the sounds of Tadashi and his friends formulating a study plan. Things  _had_  to be better tomorrow.


	4. Breathe

It took all of Hiro's effort to get out of bed the next morning. He didn't want to go to class. He didn't want to face his friends and whatever plan they were going to ambush him with that day. He didn't want to do anything other than staying in bed and wallowing in his self pity. Hiro contemplated telling Aunt Cass that he was sick. It wouldn't be a total lie since he threw up last night after dinner. Tadashi would see through him, though. He would tell Aunt Cass that he was being pathetic, and Hiro would be forced to go to school. He opted to come home early instead. If he still felt bad emotionally by noon, he'd come home.

He felt as though there was a weight on his shoulders stopping him from getting out of bed. Yet he dragged himself through his routine and through his first class. He started to feel better when he overheard two students discussing their low grades in the back of the class, but that was short lived as his professor gave a blanket congratulations to those who made A's on the assignment as it 'wasn't an easy feat'. He tried to think positive on his way to the lab. They won't ambush me, he thought, and they just want to help. However the moment Hiro entered the lab, he noticed a few pairs of eyes on him and felt a pang of sadness.

"Hey, Hiro."

He felt his stomach tighten at Honey's greeting. The tone of her voice and the way she tucked her hair behind her ear made him feel like a child. It was as though she and the others were about to sit him down for a talk. He immediately exited the lab. He didn't need their sympathy and he didn't need to feel worse than he already felt. After hearing pieces of their plan last night, Hiro knew he would be in for something, he just didn't think it would upset him this much.

Hiro's eyes began to sting. Maybe he should just drop the class and go home. He headed in the direction of the advising office.

"Hiro, wait!"

He hated doing it because the older student was so nice, but he ignored Wasabi. Hiro needed to get to the advising office. He was admitting defeat. The only thing that would be affected was his pride. He'd still have his free ride, just things would hopefully be easier. Right?

Unless people got wind that he dropped a class. Then everyone would know that the child prodigy was just another dumb kid.

_Go to college like you? Just so people can tell me things I already know?_

He replayed that months old conversation with his brother several times. He was so, so wrong. College wasn't teaching him things he already knew, because he didn't know anything. Hiro swallowed the growing lump in his throat. Suddenly, his heart began to beat rapidly. He was in danger. He needed to go to the hospital. He was having a heart attack. No, he was dying. There was this numbness in his lips that he couldn't describe and his leg muscles trembled. He struggled to breathe evenly. He was going to die in the middle of this corridor.

"Hey, genius." There was a hand on his shoulder. He focused his eyes on GoGo. She squinted back at him. "What's wrong?"

"Don't know." Hiro placed a hand on his chest. "I think I'm dying."

"What?" She guided him to a bench only steps away.

His hands shook and his legs seems to give out just as he sat down. "Help."

"Try to breathe. Are you in pain?"

Hiro noticed the dizziness creep through his head. He dropped his backpack. He couldn't breathe normally. He was so shaky. His leg muscles had a mind of their own as they spazzed. He trembled. GoGo knelt in front of him.

"Are you in pain?"

Hiro shook his head.

"Are you anxious about anything?"

"I'm having a heart attack."

GoGo noticed his evasion of the question and sighed. Hiro knew she knew he was anxious. "Kid, you're having a panic attack. You need to breathe."

"How can you be sure?"

"Because I used to get them all the time. You feel like you're dying or having a heart attack, but really you're fine. Just think about it like you're in an intense fight or flight mode. Try to breathe. It'll pass. I promise."

"I'm scared."

"I know. Just breathe."

It alarmed him that he'd never had a panic attack before. Not even after the fire. He'd had nightmares, moments of anxiety and sleeplessness, sometimes flashbacks, but never a panic attack. His body trembled. He tried to control his shaking but found it made him shake harder. His cheeks grew hot and damp. His throat felt tighter as he swallowed.

"Breathe, Hiro. It won't stop until you breathe. Relaxing is hard right now, I know, so just try to breathe." GoGo reached up and wiped her hands across his cheeks. "You've got to breathe. You're going to be fine."

"Please don't tell Tadashi." Hiro sobbed.

He never felt younger than he did at that moment. GoGo had to wipe his tears as though he were a four-year-old on the playground as he begged her not to tell his brother. It was bad enough that she knew he failed, but now he was blubbering in front of her. She must think of him as weak for not being able to handle things. He couldn't stop the tears though. As much as he tried, Hiro continued to tremble and cry and feel his heart pound wildly in chest.

"Please, GoGo. He can't know."

"Just breathe, Hiro."

She didn't say she wouldn't tell, but something about her tone told him she'd keep it between them, if not for always then at least for a little while. GoGo sat beside him and placed a steady hand on his back. They sat that way for the thirty minutes it took for Hiro to calm down. He pulled the cuff of his jacket sleeve over his hand and wiped his nose. His heart rate normalized and the tremors eased. Hiro suddenly felt so tired, but he still needed to drop that class. He got to his feet and slung his backpack over his shoulders.

"Thanks," whispered Hiro.

GoGo stood, "Where are you going?"

"I need to handle something."

"Something's up with you. Tadashi tells us you got two low grades, you're snapping at people and refusing help, and now you just had a panic attack. What's the hell's going on?"

"Nothing. I'm fine. Just…" Hiro stopped himself before he said something he'd regret. It wasn't her fault he was an idiot and he shouldn't be rude to her, especially after she helped him. He sighed. "Thanks for your help, GoGo. Now, please just leave me alone. Okay?"

Hiro felt her eyes on his back as he rushed off to the advising office. He hated pushing her away, but he needed to handle this himself. After all, he was the one who thought he was too smart for college, who thought he could handle nerd school. Now...now he wasn't so sure. With each passing moment he doubted his abilities. Maybe he was too young to handle it. Maybe he was just a dumb kid who peaked at 13.

He stared at the door to the advising office, willing himself to go in. He couldn't do it. He'd disappoint his friends and Aunt Cass and, most of all, his brother. Tadashi would be so upset with him for dropping a class. But they'd be even more upset if he failed. He thought about what would happen if he went back to the lab and went along with their plans to help him pass. Just the thought of admitting his failure to his friends made his stomach hurt. Hiro bit his bottom lip as his hand hovered over the handle. Either way, he couldn't keep getting sick after dinner, have panic attacks, freeze out his friends and family. Whether he chose to drop the class or not, he had to make a decision. Deep inside, he knew what he had to do.

With a deep breath, Hiro yanked the door open.


	5. Old Ways

"You dropped a class?!"

Hiro rolled to the other end of the garage to check on the status of his project on the 3D printer. He really didn't want to have this conversation right now. He already felt bad about doing what was right for him. The last thing he needed was Tadashi to extrapolate those feelings.

"Why'd you drop? You didn't even give us a chance to help you."

He didn't know how to respond. Hiro brought his hand to his mouth and gently bit down on the tip of his thumb. Realizing what he was doing, he immediately stopped and rolled back to his computer. The habit started when Tadashi and Aunt Cass wanted him to stop sucking his thumb as a child. While he stopped sucking, if he felt particularly stressed, Hiro would hold the tip of his thumb between his teeth.

"Hiro, talk to me." Tadashi pulled up a chair beside his brother. "Please? What's going on?"

"I needed to drop that class, 'dashi. That's all." Hiro sighed. "It'll make things a little easier. Just leave it, okay?"

"...Okay."

"Now, please leave me alone."

Hiro kept his eyes glued to his work. Tadashi lingered for a moment before opting to leave his brother in peace. Once alone, the younger Hamada sighed. Everything was too much right now, and he had to drop that class. His workload was just too difficult. Between the projects and written homework, he barely had time to take care of himself. It was the right thing to do. Right? So why did he feel so awful for doing what was best for him? Frustration rose inside him.

"Hey, kiddo." It was Aunt Cass, no doubt checking on him because Tadashi told her about his failures. "I made you a grilled cheese."

"Thanks, Aunt Cass, but I'm not hungry." This was a half truth. He could eat, but he really didn't feel like it.

"Well, I'll just leave it here for you when you're ready."

Hiro watched his aunt set the plate on a nearby table, then waved her away with a half hearted, "Thanks."

He caught a glimpse of his bot on the corner of his desk. Why did he stop bot fighting? Oh yeah, it was all that talk from Tadashi about his safety and living up to his potential that changed his mind. That and Callaghan's words. But Callaghan wasn't the person he thought he was, and living up to his STEM focused potential was so much harder than he thought.

Hiro picked up his bot. Maybe he'd go to a fight tonight. After all, it was something he was actually good at doing and it'd help him let off some steam. He wouldn't stay long and he wouldn't show off like he did in the past. He'd beat a couple of people, maybe lose one on purpose, then go home. Before he could talk himself out of it, Hiro managed to locate a nearby fight. He checked the clock on the computer. He had just enough time to get there. Hiro grabbed his bot, quietly shut the garage door, and headed to the meeting place.  
  


* * *

  
Tadashi looked at the clock. 9:35 PM. Where did Hiro go? He'd gone back to the garage about two hours ago to find his brother missing. Tadashi covered for him when Aunt Cass asked if Hiro was okay and attempted to go to the garage. He checked his computer. The blinking purple dot on the map had started traveling closer to the house. Tadashi knew in his heart where his brother was, and that's what pissed him off the most. How could he start bot fighting again? Going to SFIT was supposed to stop him from doing stupid things like galavanting into the night and gambling.

The stairs creaked. If it were any other day, Tadashi would attribute the noise to Mochi. Tonight, he knew it was his little brother. The smaller Hamada entered their room.

"Where the hell were you?" asked Tadashi in tense whisper. "I had to lie to Aunt Cass because you decided you would leave. Hiro, why are you bot fighting again? What's wrong?"

Hiro sighed. "I'm fine. It was a small fight. I didn't push anyone's buttons."

"I don't care about the size of the fight, or that you didn't push any buttons. Actually, I do care about that last part. But what I care about the most is that you started this habit again. Why would you go back to bot fighting?"

" _Tadashi_ ," warned Hiro, " _not now_."

"Whatever is going on, you can talk to me about it—"

"I'm serious."

"I can help you."

"Stop."

Tadashi pressed on. "Sneaking off isn't the answer—"

Hiro grabbed a microbot from his desk and threw it in his brother's direction. Tadashi managed to duck out of the way. He fixed his little brother with narrowed eyes, his lips pulled into a line as he swallowed the urge to yell. Hiro noticed his brother clench his jaw, and knew he'd crossed the line. The older Hamada had a long fuse and he'd managed to burn every last inch of it over the last few days.

"What the hell?"

"I said stop." Hiro ran a hand over his face and took a deep breath. He needed to calm himself before he ended up doing something else he'd regret, or saying something that would really hurt his brother's feelings. "Look, I'm sorry you had to lie, and I'm sorry I threw that at you. Like I said before, I really, really don't want to talk about anything right now. Okay?"

"Fine," said Tadashi. "But I'm not done with this discussion, or the one we started in the garage."

"Well, I am."

Tadashi resisted the urge to pop Hiro. Where was this attitude coming from? His brother only got like this when something was truly bothering him. So what was it and why wouldn't he let him in?


End file.
